Best Friends
by Chapin CSI
Summary: Greg talks about Sara and Sophia, and about people who judge others. His words force Grissom to face some truths.Will Grissom do something about it? COMPLETE!
1. Default Chapter

BEST FRIEND

I definitely hated the 'dinner invitation' scene.

Spoilers: Unbearable, Big Middle

Greg's monologue forces Grissom to take a look at himself.

* * *

Grissom and Greg arrived at the crime scene and looked around; Brass glanced at them and waved. He was talking to a witness and taking notes. Leaving him to his task, the two CSI's entered the area protected by the yellow tape. It was barely 7:30 in the morning, yet it felt unbearably hot. The fact that they were in a park didn't help matters, since vegetation was scarce. 

Gil Grissom examined the half-buried body from several angles.

"Poor guy smells already." Greg muttered.

"Greg, I need you to take his temperature." Grissom said, "Also, the temperature of the soil around him, ok? After you're finished, we'll start digging."

"All right, boss."

Grissom started picking up the evidence left by insects.

They worked in silence for a minute or two, until…

"So, you took Sophia to dinner, huh?"

Grissom paused in his work, but Greg didn't; the young man was very capable of working and talking, as he had demonstrated several times in the past.

"I was surprised at first, you know?" he said as he introduced a thermometer into the soil, "There I was, talking to a friend who waits tables there, when suddenly I saw my boss and my coworker, having dinner."

Greg's words bothered Grissom, but he made no comment; he simply continued doing his job, hoping that Greg would not say anything else.

He didn't know that Greg was merely warming up.

"I understand, you know?" Greg said, "I mean, after what you said the other day about wanting someone who doesn't judge you-" he paused as he measured the space between one thermometer and the other. "And she's definitely not the kind of person who makes judgments, right?"

Greg glanced at his boss and smiled, "She's like you, in that sense." He said, "I just know that if I tell her something outrageous, the only reaction I'll get from her is a raised eyebrow." Greg put another thermometer in the soil and continued, "For instance, the other day I invited her to have a beer at my place. Now, you may not believe this, but my apartment looks like a pigsty sometimes." He smiled sheepishly, "I have too many books and too little space. Sometimes I have to sit on the floor because there's a pile of books or discs or dirty clothes on every chair in my place."

Greg smiled as he thought of this. "But I invited her over, anyway," he said, "We were melting in the car, and I thought a cold beer might do us good. Besides, I knew she wouldn't say anything about my mess -at least, not to my face," he added as an afterthought.

"And I was right, Grissom. She simply pushed the books aside and sat on a corner of the couch, and drank her beer. I was like, 'Wow, she's the coolest!' 'cause not once did she criticize." He smiled at the memory. "Of course, than can mean two things, right? Either she's incredibly tolerant, or she just doesn't give a damn. Now, take Sara for instance." He didn't look at Grissom as he said that, so he didn't notice the faint blush on his boss' face.

"The idea of her seeing my place … it's scary," Greg admitted, "because she will definitely say something about my mess. I mean, that's her nature. You can tell her _anything_, but she'll tell you what she honestly thinks. And if you truly care about her opinion, well, then you've got to be cautious about what you do and say when she's around, right?"

Greg paused for a moment. "And that's why I never asked her in." he admitted, "I never opened my door for her, despite all the times I wanted to do so. I was afraid of what she would say. It sounds stupid, but I was afraid she would dislike me, or judge me and turn her back on me. I felt it was better to have her around only _when _and _where_ it was safe for me..." he paused and glanced at Grissom, "But then yesterday… it was a hot day, and we were dead tired, and she seemed a little down, and I thought… why not?"

Greg turned his attention back to his work, but he hadn't finished his tale, "So, I invited her over for a drink – she's a Diet Coke girl, you know?" he added with a smile, "So, I opened my door and …" he chuckled, "Do you know what she did when she saw my living room? She _chided_ me. She called me a slob, and then… she started picking up books and dirty dishes, and hell, I don't know how she did it, but she even managed to find a pair of shorts I thought I'd lost forever. _That_ was embarrassing." he said, smiling at the memory.

"And do you know what she did next?" Greg asked, but without expecting any answer, "She took the dirty dishes to the sink and started washing them, can you believe it? I couldn't stop smiling, Grissom. And suddenly she was smiling too. She said, 'come on and do your part!' and there I was, washing the dishes with her, laughing, 'cause she made it fun. _We_ had fun. And in the end she said, 'I don't know why I bother. You'll start the pile again tomorrow' and she narrowed her eyes sternly but she smiled too.

"We ended up sitting on the couch, talking. It was perfect, Grissom. And all along I was thinking, God, I'm not perfect, she knows I'm not perfect, she's just called me a slob. But there she was, helping me… taking care of me. I wouldn't change that moment for anything, you know? And that's when it hit me, Grissom: Some people judge you just for the heck of it and hurt you; some people don't judge you, but only because they don't want to get involved -they nod, they approve, but they really don't give a damn about you.

"And then there are people who judge you, kick your ass, and force you to shape up because _they care_." he said slowly, "And they tell you if you're wrong, not just because your _job_ depends on it, but because it involves your growth as a person. And they're scary sometimes, 'cause you don't know if they will stick around after they see you for who you really are… But some of them do, and they become your best friends." He looked up and smiled at Grissom, but the older man looked away.

After a moment, Greg put the last thermometer and started taking notes.

Grissom slightly shook the container in his hands, making sure that the beetles he'd put in there were comfortable. He put a little piece of raw liver for them to munch on, and then he put the container away. He picked up two brushes and, after handing one to Greg, started clearing the area surrounding the dead body.

He worked mechanically.

He was thinking of Greg's words, wondering if they had been as casual as they seemed or if Greg had been trying to tell him something. Grissom would never admit this, but he found it very easy to compare Greg's messy home to his own messy soul…

He tried to put those thoughts away, but couldn't. And for the rest of the day, he couldn't help but wonder whether he should have opened his door when he had the chance.

TBC


	2. A resolution

BEST FRIENDS

Part two

Drama, romance

There's a brief mention of the EMT Sara dated, Hank.

Spoiler: P.wF., B.oP.

* * *

"Sara, you're with me," Grissom said after he assigned the other case to Sophia and Greg. 

"Sure," Sara said, rising and following him out of the conference room.

"There's a body in the desert." Grissom explained as they walked to his car. "Brass is meeting us there. Do you want to drive?" he asked, offering her the car keys.

She took them and walked past him to the driver's side. She didn't particularly want to drive, but everybody knew that Grissom's 'do you want to drive' really meant 'I'm too tired to drive,' or 'I need to concentrate on something else'.

"Is music ok?" she asked and he nodded.

He kept several discs in the glove compartment, but she knew there was a couple of CDs that he kept especially for her; music that wouldn't put her to sleep and wouldn't disturb his thoughts at the same time. She chose one of those.

It was a night like any other, or so Sara thought. It wasn't until they were leaving the city that Sara realized he'd been unusually quiet. He usually had something to say, either about a case, or about the news or about anything that was holding his interest at the moment. Not that he actually held conversations; he simply made comments now and then; a phrase or some little piece of information from the thousands pieces that were at his disposal in that wonderful brain of his.

Not that night.

It took her a while to realize there was something else going on: Grissom was glancing at her while she drove. The first times he did this, she glanced back, only to see him lowering his gaze. She used the rearview mirror to look at herself –in case she had something hanging from her nose- but she looked ok, thank God. She discreetly looked down too, in case she had missed buttoning her blouse or something…

It wasn't that either.

After a while, she gave up worrying and tried to concentrate on the road.

He kept glancing at her.

It was making her self-conscious.

She had some respite when they arrived at the crime scene.

She worked mechanically and efficiently; she followed his instructions and made a few suggestions on how to handle the investigation.

She acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but she knew better. Something was going on-

And suddenly, she thought she knew what.

"Oh, God." She whispered.

She didn't want to believe it, but it would actually fit some recent developments at the lab.

Grissom simply had been trying to tell her something.

And she was pretty sure she knew what that something was.

"Damn," she whispered.

This was not good.

* * *

Grissom _had _been staring at her, he couldn't help it. Every time he looked up, he had tried to say something meaningful, something that could take them to some new level of understanding. And just when he thought he would say something… he backed down. 

Grissom sighed as he measured the dead body's temperature.

It was all Greg's fault.

All day long his words had been present in Grissom's brain: all those words about Sara and Sophia, and the differences between them. Grissom remembered how envious he had felt when Greg described the way he and Sara had bonded. Grissom had been reminded of the easy friendship he had shared with her back in San Francisco, all those years ago.

The memory of those happy days had been behind his decision to bring Sara along for this investigation. (He should have brought Greg, who needed more experience, but Grissom was sure the young man wouldn't mind being passed over.)

Grissom had been determined to talk to Sara, but once they were in the car, the words had died in his lips every time he looked at her.

What could he say, anyway? 'I heard you're Greg's friend now' sounded as if he were jealous of the young man. 'Can we be friends?' would only get him a scowl from her. And, 'I'm afraid of letting you into my life' was the truth, but not what she needed to hear. Besides, she knew he was afraid, so why bother telling her?

The truth was he had nothing to say and nothing to offer.

And so, Grissom had lowered his gaze every time; and by the time they arrived at the crime scene, he had given up altogether.

By the time they finished with the crime scene, Greg's words had been filtered through Grissom's mind until they had lost their original meaning. Grissom didn't believe that Sara could be that tolerant anymore. Greg's joy and optimism had lost their appeal, and now Grissom remembered the young man's words as the endless yakking that Grissom so often dismissed.

At 2:00 in the morning they drove back to the city.

Sara was relieved; at least Grissom was staring outside this time.

There wasn't much to see, actually –they were still far away from the city and there were fewer cars passing at this time of the night- but on the other hand the sky was sprinkled with stars, and there was a full moon. Grissom seemed entranced by it.

"Could you stop here?" he asked suddenly.

"Uh." She blinked, "Sure." She said. This was a first. She had done this before, usually for Nick, who drank too much water and then needed to make a stop –usually when there was not a restroom anywhere in sight.

It had never happened to Grissom before.

"It's here ok?" she asked as she stopped the car. There was not much vegetation, but at least they were out of the road.

"Yeah." He said, but he didn't get out of the car. He kept staring ahead.

"Grissom? Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I just…" he shrugged.

She looked expectantly at him but he didn't say anything else.

"You're so quiet tonight." She said after a moment.

"Yeah, I…" he started. He glanced at her. He had her full attention now and he just couldn't take it. "I want to look at the stars." He said, and got out.

"The stars?" she frowned.

Grissom started to walk away from the car, but he stopped after a moment. He wanted to escape but there was nowhere to go.

All he could do was look at the sky.

"Grissom? Are you ok?" She moved to the passenger seat and opened the door, but she didn't get out. Now she was sure that there was something he wanted to say and didn't know how.

She took a deep breath.

_She would not cry, no matter what. _

She opened her mouth.

_She would face this with dignity._

She even smiled as she spoke.

"Grissom-" she said, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

He didn't move

"I think I know what it is." she said quietly.

He looked at her. Her face looked ghostly under the white light of the moon. Her smile seemed frozen.

"You do?" he asked.

"Yeah." She nodded, "I mean, I can guess." She amended. "Something's going to happen, right?" she said slowly, "At the lab, I mean." She added, "You don't want me to get the news from somebody else."

She waited for him to deny it but he did not. He simply stared at her.

"I appreciate that." She said.

He was looking at her, waiting for her to finish. He really didn't know what she was talking about.

"I… I hope you don't think I'm going to crumble or something." She added, "I won't. I promise."

"Sara…" he hesitated, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You and Sophia." She said quietly. When Grissom didn't react, she added, "There are rumors about you two, Grissom."

"Sara, we don't-"

"I understand, ok?" She said quickly, mostly because she did not want him to explain. "You really don't have to worry about my feelings." She said, "I'm fine with it."

Grissom looked at her. She was _fine_ with it?

"So, do you approve?" he asked bitterly.

Sara was just as bitter.

"It's none of by business, actually."

Grissom turned away.

She was letting go of him.

He didn't want to believe that.

"You know… Greg was talking to me, yesterday." He said, "About you." he waited for a reaction from her and got none, "He told me that you helped him clean up his place. He says you called him a slob." Grissom took a couple of steps back to the car and then stopped, "He told me that if had to choose between you and Sophia, he would choose you. Do you know why?" he paused, "Because you're _honest_."

She didn't look up when she spoke.

"I don't approve." she said.

Grissom looked at her. No, she didn't approve, but she was not going to do anything about it either. She was tired of chasing after him. She was giving up.

Her words came back to him. _By the time you figure it out it might be too late…_

"I took her to dinner, Sara." He said softly, "That was all."

But of course even something as insignificant as 'dinner' was already too much in Sara's eyes. Everything became charged with emotion with Sara, and he found it hard to deal with that.

"Do you know what I like about her?" he asked abruptly. When she didn't answer, he amended, "Do you _want _to know?"

"I don't think so." She said, looking away.

"I like the fact that I don't feel anything remotely connected with love, for her."

Sara didn't turn.

"She's a good CSI and I admire her." He admitted, "She helped me keep my job and I'm grateful." He paused, "But if someone told me she's dating an EMT, I wouldn't feel like my heart is being ripped off my chest."

Sara didn't move, but her eyes filled with tears.

"I hated that guy," Grissom confessed.

"You never said anything-" She lamented.

"What could I say?" he asked, "You wanted to be with him."

"I didn't love him." She said softly, "Not like I loved you."

Her words hurt him. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Why?" he asked then, "Why did you love me Sara? I never offered you anything."

"I still love you anyway," she added quietly.

"But why?" He asked almost desperately, "I have nothing to give you. I can't make you happy, Sara, I've been pushing you away all this time because I know my limitations. I can't give you the love that you need, and I'll never be able to help you forget the past-"

"But I don't want to forget the past." She replied.

She got out of the car and walked to him until they were face to face.

"Grissom, those memories are painful," she admitted, "But I can't pretend they don't exist. I can't pretend I don't feel any pain because if I do, I'll end up killing every other feeling."

Grissom felt those words were meant especially for him. He looked at her.

Sara smiled faintly.

"Do you know why I've loved you all this time, despite the fact that you can't love me back?" she asked, "Because this love… it's what's kept me sane all these years. It gave me hope, and it's made me feel human. God," she sighed, "there was a time in my life when I didn't think I'd be able to love anyone, Grissom. And then I met you, and I felt as if something melted inside me."

"But why, Sara?" he insisted, "Why me?"

"I don't know." She smiled, "Maybe because you didn't judge me."

Grissom snorted.

"Do you know what Greg says about people who don't judge, Sara? He says some people are incredibly tolerant, while others just don't give a damn about others."

"You are tolerant, Grissom." She said, walking to him. "You are a good man." She said firmly. She looked closely at him and added slowly, "But you don't believe you deserve to be loved."

Grissom looked away.

"You don't know me." He said painfully.

"I know enough," she replied softly, "I know you deserved to be loved," She added softly. "By me or by anyone else." She said pointedly. She took a deep breath, "Do you understand? I love you enough not to resent you for looking elsewhere."

"Sara," he said, looking at her, "I'm not looking elsewhere."

She smiled a little.

For a moment, nothing broke the silence between them.

"There's something I've tried to find out since we met, Grissom."

"What is it?"

"There's always been an empty spot in my life." She said, "Ever since I met you, I've wondered if you would fit in it."

He didn't really know what she meant but he couldn't bring himself to ask.

"Would you let me try?"

He was frozen in place. He didn't know what to expect now.

"Will you close your eyes?" She asked, and even though his initial response was to shake his head no, he did close them. "I want you to know something," she added, "No matter what happens tonight… nothing will change. I'll always consider you my best friend."

He was nervous. He couldn't see her but he was aware of her movements. She was moving around him…He was wondering whether she was going to kiss him, when unexpectedly, he felt her hands on his back. She slowly wrapped her arms around him then. He opened his eyes and looked down at her hands closing on his chest. She hooked her index fingers together, using them to keep him inside her arms as securely as if she had used a chain.

"You see?" she whispered. "I knew you would fit perfectly in my arms."

He closed his eyes again, to concentrate on the feel of her all around him –her arms, her breasts pressing against his back, and her breath, caressing the nape of his neck.

His breathing was shallow; he didn't dare moving for fear of breaking the hold of her arms on him.

"I'm scared." He said abruptly.

"Why?" she asked.

"I'm afraid you'll leave if I fail you." He said breathlessly.

Her response to this was to hold him more tightly.

"See my hands, Grissom?"

He looked down, again.

"They're going to keep you inside," she promised, "If you want. But if you don't, all you have to do is say the word."

They remained like that for a long time.

She held her breath when she felt his hands on her own. For a moment she was almost sure he was going to pull them apart and get free, but he didn't. He covered her hands and pressed them close together.

"Now, what?" he asked quietly.

"Now, we remain friends." She whispered, and her lips brushed his skin.

"Do you promise?"

"Best friends, Grissom."

He nodded, with some difficulty.

She smiled. That was enough.

And then, suddenly, something happened that made her believe in miracles.

He slowly turned inside the circle of her arms and wrapped his arms around her.

THE END.

(sigh) I hope Sophia exits the series soon.


End file.
